Millennial singledom. The dreaded place for Millennials who want to marry. I see a lot of things now that I’m on the other side of the equation and when that’s the case you not only see what you use to do that was wrong but you can see what a lot of other Millenials are doing that’s wrong and holding them back. Before I unload a long post on you, I suggest you get comfortable, grab your favorite drink, get your favorite highlighter, pen and notebook because you will want to take notes from here on out. You ready? Keep reading.
I get a lot of Millenials that ask me for advice now because I have a ring on my finger. As a matter of fact, it’s the main reason I decided to start this blog and call it Millenials Marry. To start with the absolute truth… I was a hot mess in my past life. I had to spend time with myself and work on myself before I got to where I am today. You can read about said hot mess in my 2nd book: Life After 25, Intuitively Me. I’ve come a long way but I’ll never forget that I use to sit right where you’re sitting.
I use to daydream about my soul mate, what would he be like? How much my life will change once he’s in it? What I had to learn was that instead of waiting for them to show up and change my life, I had to change my life on my own first. I polled my IG family and asked you all to weigh in on your biggest gripes with dating. You all sent me DMS and the results are in. Millennials had timeee!
Millennials Must Know These Scriptures
1 Corinthians 7:8 tells us how the unmarried are to conduct themselves until they are married. It’s in the bible that you should remain single and entirely devoted to the lord or marry (if you lack self-control). Life is not set up for you to dibble and dabble sexually with different types of people. You just don’t know what you will pick up and I don’t mean that just in a physical way. Soul ties are real.
Some of the things you all shared with me that make dating in 2020 difficult is priorities. Millennials aren’t prioritizing the right things and this makes dating hard when you’re trying to build. I get that totally.
Here were your top concerns (in no particular order) about dating as a Millennial:
Millennials with Differing Priorities
Millennials whose priorities are all out of whack doesn’t know God. It’s just plain and simple. What does the bible say about priorities? There are at least 100 Bible Versus about priorities that you or your significant other can reference. For instance, Luke 12:34 states that “where your treasure is, your heart is…
Millennials Who Lack Emotional Intelligence
Millennials don’t know how to have awareness surrounding something that they were taught to suppress. Emotional Intelligence (like any other intelligence) is learned behavior. Some Millennials are taught not to have feelings or show emotion so they don’t know how to acknowledge anyone else’s. Some people don’t understand their own feelings surrounding most things. In order for them to understand and evaluate other people’s feelings, they have to understand their own. They’re not going to get it when you try to talk a conflict out with them.
Some won’t be able to see it from your side or at the very least be considerate of your feelings. If you’re currently dating or in a serious relationship with someone who lacks emotional intelligence, you have a few options. If you think the relationship is worth salvaging, try to learn more about your mate. Doing this can help you both understand why there is a lack of emotional intelligence. The same applies if you’re the person being told that you lack emotional intelligence.
Be open to the fact that they may be right about you. Open up more…TALK about your feelings in a safe space.
If you don’t feel you can do that just yet with your mate, I am very much so TEAM TALK TO GOD. In addition to TEAM TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL.The bible tells us to not worry about anything and instead PRAY about everything (Philippians 4:6-7) . Click To Tweet
Pray to God. If you still feel the need to speak with a professional after praying, then be sure to pray that God sends you someone who can legitimately help you. The professional should be able to guide you from there along with the help of the holy spirit. All in all the cure to a lack of emotional intelligence is to simply communicate and get it all out.
Being available outside of their social media posts
We are living in a time where all of a sudden everyone is claiming to be introverted. My personal opinion: Social Media and the internet is to blame. While introversion is a real personality trait, many people who are now claiming to be an introvert have become introverts over the last 10-20 years. The internet has made it easier to find out information or what I like to call perceived information about people.
No one wants to do the work nowadays. Have you ever been out someplace for instance …dinner and see two Millennials hanging out or on a date? Typically, they’re completely immersed in their phones and not paying actual attention to one another?
It’s like, “of course I want to hang out… oh but you want me to actually engage with you… that would take extreme commitment and take me away from everything else that’s happening in the world”
You guys, that’s that point! We’re not supposed to be able to keep up with every single thing that’s happening in the world. We’re overstimulated on the daily via Social Media. Our attention is constantly being controlled by whatever the internet tells us is important. This is why Mental Health awareness is so important.
Depression and anxiety are at an all-time high. People no longer know how to be present. what’s important to you? Do you know what your purpose is? We are distracted as Millennials and need to start taking back control over our free will. There is life outside of Social Media. Please, do yourself a favor and unplug every once in a while.
What does the bible say about this?
The bible tells us that we shall have no other Gods before God (Exodus 20:3) and many of us are putting entirely too much faith in this internet wave [insert various Mental Health issues being born]. People don’t know boundaries anymore because the internet allows us easy access into any poor unsuspecting souls’ life. We can constantly check up on them, see where and what they’re eating, where they hang out, etc. Congratulations, you’re deemed what would historically be known as a Stalker. The irony in that is on an intimate level, you have no people skills. Take time to get to know one another organically and log off.
Millennials Who Lack Communication Skills
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Communication is Key?” That’s because it is. Possessing the ability to communicate with people without getting intimidated or upset easily is an acquired skill set. Additionally, like any acquired skillset, the only way you’re going to get better at it is to do it. Knowing how to communicate is more important than anything in a relationship. Each individual has Five Love Languages. Depending on what they’ve experienced in life, they’ll prioritize certain types of communications over others.
Let’s visit Ephesians 5:22 and Ephesians 5:25.
Ephesians 5:22 states “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:25 states “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Both scriptures teach us that both parties must submit to one another as you would the lord. You should love each other as Christ would. Unconditionally. Millennials miss the fact that both parties in the relationship have a responsibility. Both parties must have a desire to work things out.
Many people instead take things into their own hands. Get to the root cause of the issue. Pray for your mate as well as pray together. Seeking out professional counseling both individually and together if needed.
Many Millennials make the mistake of thinking that couples counseling is only for married people. Getting counseled together as a couple is just as important as getting counseled separately. This is why premarital counseling exists.
Sometimes it takes a professional to tell you and point out why you’re not compatible. The professional will also advise what you both can do to work on any existing issues. Unfortunately, sometimes you’re just not right for each other.
I’ve always heard that a man will not settle down if he does not know who he is. I’m all about Millennials having a sense of self but it isn’t just as cut and dry as you think. This is not the case for everyone. Some people have to have it pulled out of them by their significant other and some don’t. This is why it’s very important to pray for and about your mate.
If God didn’t call you to be together then you shouldn’t be. We have to stop wasting each other’s time. Many of us want to be apart of a journey that we’re not meant to be apart of. You can never be too sure if you’ve never consulted God about a person before. This is where a lot of us go wrong. I had to get intentional about dating and start praying to god when someone new entered my life.I got tired of wasting time and energy on seasonal people. Click To Tweet
If this is something you find yourself struggling with, I want you to pray the two prayers below.
Pray these prayers
- Holy Spirit, show me what’s in my Book of Life and direct my steps so that I am staying on the correct path of my purpose. What do I need to work on to get in alignment? Who and what do I need to be praying for today so that I can be closer to God?
- Father God, someone new has walked into my life and before I get comfortable or attached I ask that you heighten my discernment and reveal their intentions. Is this someone you’ve called me to serve? Is a relationship with this person your will?
In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.
Why in Jesus name you ask? Because the only way you can access God is through his son Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
Self Serving Millennials
When you come across Millenials that are self-serving it is because they simply do not know God. God has called us here to this earth to serve one another. It is hard to be in a relationship with a selfish person. Trust me, I’ve been there.
We have to pray for these types of people and break ties if that’s what you’re being guided to do. Pray about it and in the meantime, try to get these types of people more involved in serving. Volunteering their time to organizations is a great start. Sometimes, Millenials just don’t know any better. We’re placed in each other’s lives to teach and learn from one another.
If you have any personal experiences or tips you’d like to share please do share them in the comments. I’m growing just as you all are. While I do not have all of these answers, the answers I do have are based on personal experience. I hope this letter helps someone and above all else remember Proverbs 3:5-6.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths”