Let’s give credit where credit is due. I’m reviewing Marriage Story because simply put, this is a good movie and is a great discussion topic. A quick synopsis: Marriage Story starts off focusing on two people. Nicole, played by Scarlett Johansen and Charlie played by Adam Driver. The tag line for Marriage Story is, “Noah Baumbach’s incisive and compassionate look at a marriage breaking up and a family staying together.”
I decide to watch this movie. Mostly because it looks like it’s going to be a movie on co-parenting. It turned out to be so much more than that.
Marriage Story highlights how easy it is for a marriage to end over not preparing for marriage and most importantly, not being honest with ourselves going into the marriage. As you watch the Marriage Story you’ll see that there is obvious tension through the passive-aggressive way that Nicole and Noah communicate with each other. It is evident that the marriage lacks love but as the viewer watching the movie, it was not immediately clarified as to why. The couple has a kid and so they try to go to counseling first but couldn’t agree on a counselor that they both liked.
Despite, both agreeing to separation without lawyers, Nicole did just that…hired a lawyer. Nicole’s lawyer is a feminist, of course, so she doesn’t care about the divorce ending amicably. Charlie picks up on this and fights back with an equally misogynistic lawyer and things get messy for a minute.
The Issue with Marriage Story
Throughout Marriage Story, Charlie shows his Misogynistic side when it comes to his partner Nicole. He expects her to fall in line when it comes to everything. He doesn’t come off as loving at all and seems to be out of touch with his family. We find out later in the movie that both characters couldn’t stand each other. While Nicole looks up to Charlie, he, on the other hand, has unresolved issues with his family upbringing.
I feel this played out in his marriage. It is revealed that they married young during the movie. Charlie admits to Nicole that he resents her for trapping him into a marriage at the height of his career; This takes place in his 20s.
He feels as though he missed out on his youth but went along with it because it was the right thing to do. When Nicole finally tried to have her own career away from his, he didn’t like it one bit. He wanted her in New York at his beck and call away from her family and friends in Los Angelos. Nicole has more opportunities in LA which is why she wants to move back. It’s later revealed that Charlie has an opportunity to take a job in LA but purposely turns it down. Despite making Nicole believe that they’d start spending more time in LA.
Charlie is loyal to his own agenda and Nicole grows tired of that so she had to apply pressure. Ironically, once divorced, he gets a place in LA and takes a job there to be closer to his ex-wife and son. I thought to myself, Lauryn Hill said it best,
“It could all be so simple, but you rather make it hard.”-Lauryn Hill
If you ever wondered what a marriage looks like that lacks compromise then watch Marriage Story. The real issue was a lack of compromise on both parties. While one person goes out of their way to make the other person happy, the other wasn’t isn’t willing to do that. Eventually, people do get tired and they want out.
To be honest, I’m not a fan of divorce unless your life is in danger. Meaning: or your physical well-being or overall health is being jeopardized. Outside of that, people should do their best to work things out because that’s what God would want us to do. God likes marriage and blesses us with marriage if done the right way in his honor.
I believe the reason a lot of marriages end is because of personal issues and insecurities. These issues don’t go away once you say “I do.”
We have individual responsibilities to heal from past trauma before even thinking about merging our lives with someone else.
Relationships are work and what I’ve realized from pure observation is that a lot of people don’t really understand this and therefore don’t really know how to be in relationships with other people in a healthy way. We’ve all had the toxic traits that we’ve had to address at some point or another but many of us have not begun to address them at all. People enter into relationships and marriage with abandonment issues, trust issues, control issues and so much more and think that these issues will just go away on their own without any addressing. Many people get in relationships with people looking for happiness in the other person while carrying the mentality of, This can work as long as they don’t do anything that I don’t like.”
To Keep It All The Way Real
Hate to break it to you, they’re going to do something you don’t like. They will challenge you and test your gangsta because this is the purpose of relationships especially when it comes to marriage. God blesses us with marriage to help us grow and to be held accountable for our actions. The issue is, people want to be able to hold people accountable but don’t want to be held accountable. I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t always know how to be in a relationship. In fact, I use to have toxic ways as well and in turn, I attracted other toxic people. This was happening because there is some truth to the phrase,"You are who you attract." Click To Tweet
The Solution to Marriage Story
Have you ever chopped it up with a couple that’s been together forever and when you ask them the secret to staying together they respond, “we’ve been through a lot of things meant to break people up…BUT GOD.” There’s a reason why they’re telling you that because God is the secret to staying together. If you’re a married millennial then this post is especially for you. YOU CANNOT DO MARRIAGE WITHOUT GOD. The Bible equips us with so much wisdom and guidance regarding how you are to operate as a husband and wife.
People get tight in the butt when they hear people reciting that wives are to submit to their husbands but for years, people weren’t elaborating on that particular scripture correctly. In truth, husbands and wives are to submit to each other. Yes, the man is to lead but that does not mean that he is to disregard his wife. Unfortunately, evildoers have been twisting scripture to match their ideology for years. I’m so glad that so many people who are currently married are speaking out and clarifying what the scripture actually means. Let’s jump into this particular piece of scripture and dissect it.
Ephesians Chapter 5:22-33
Has a section on Wives and Husbands specifically called Marriage Like Christ and the Church. I love these modern translations of the scripture so I’ll share what the amplified version states. I really like this version of the bible because it really breaks the text down into modern language, thus helping us Millenials to best understand. The entire text states:
“22 Wives, be subject to your own husband as [a service] to the lord.“
Breaking it down: The wife to her husband, not to men in general; not as inferior to him, nor in violation of her Christian ethics, but honoring her husband as protector and head of the home, respecting the responsibility of his position and his accountability to God.
Continuing verses 23-33:
23 For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].
25 Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word [of God],
27 so that [in turn] He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy [set apart for God] and blameless.
28 Even so, husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members (parts) of His body.
31 For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. The bond between husband and wife supersedes all other relationships.
32 This mystery [of two becoming one] is great, but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church.
33 However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].
Let’s Break It Down
Historically, the issue is that we’ve allowed other people to play on our ignorance and lack of relationship with God and baby spoon-feed us scriptures according to their own motives. People would often quote Ephesians 5:22 but wouldn’t tell you anything about Ephesians 5:33 and unless you were reading the bible and getting to know God yourself (as you should be) you would know that it was never in God’s will for Men and Women to be treated in unequally in marriage. They have different roles, yes but are not unequal. People will argue that there are lots of things in the bible that contradict itself but I do not wholeheartedly believe that God thought nothing of women and everything of men. I think that was the good ol’ serpent playing us against each other again.
Remember the enemy doesn’t like marriage because he knows how powerful we become when we’re obedient to God in our marriage. Some of the most powerful people in the world are pro-marriage… that’s no coincidence. If you want to get equipped in your marriage in 2020 then meditate on the scriptures I have shared. Get yourself around other like-minded couples because community is everything. Pray for your mate, get around other people who Pray (not prey) and start building on your anointing. While there will be things that will happen in your marriage, y it’s all about how you equip yourself.
Additionally, relationships break for more than just cheating. Finances are a big issue in marriage, lack of communication or affection is another one. Protect your marriage at all costs and don’t let anyone else in. It’s ya’ll against the world, not each other. A lot of people get that twisted.
1 Corinthians 7 tells us the Principles for Marriage
As married people, please read this entire chapter before attempting to strong-arm your mate into acting how you feel that they should be acting. We will be held to certain standards when we agree to come together as husband and wife.
1 Corinthian 13 tells us about the Way of Love according to God
Read 1 Corinthians 13 and get familiar with the text. Any married couple should be using this chapter as law minimum. Ordained ministers read from this section of the bible when marrying you because the text is clear. Get to know it if you haven’t already.
Get to know your bible. If you need a bible and are looking for a good recommendation this is the bible that I have. It is a modern women’s study bible and makes scripture very easy to follow.
Hope this helps to put some things in perspective. In reality, you’re not always going to like your spouse or their interests but there are ways to get around that. In fact, my recent post titled Date Night: A Solution for Couples speaks to this. Check it out and let me know what you think about Marriage Story in the comments.