You get engaged, everyone sends congrats via Social Media, phone call and in person. You can’t but notice as time goes on during your Engagement Journey that certain people are starting to become distant. It’s a tough pill to swallow especially when you can’t target the exact reason why. Most times they’re not going to tell you either. You may not get an explanation until well after your wedding and honeymoon if the friendship can survive that unexpected break.
In this article, there are a few things to consider about those people that have become distant during your engagement journey.
People Really be Going Through during your Engagement Journey
You never know what people are going through unless they say something. Even then, they probably still don’t know how to articulate exactly what’s happening to them as they’re going through what they’re going through. What you’ll come to learn is everyone is not like you. You may find it easy to be happy for people even if you’re not where you want to be in life but a lot of people are ornery. They don’t want people to be happy if they’re not happy.
They don’t know how to be supportive of you at this time. Some people were raised to think that the world revolves around them and have no idea what it means to have a service mentality. They don’t know any better but you do. You have a responsibility as a child of God to not take anything personally and understand that everything doesn’t need a reaction. That’s not to say that it’s ok for people to be rude or to run over you, however, don’t judge where they are in life.
Judge not that you be not judged. For with judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with measure you use it will be measured to you.Matthew 7:20-23
You have to know when to step back or to allow people to step back and deal with their issues. You don’t have to make their issues your issues.
Do not be deceived: “Bad Company ruins good morals.”1 Corinthians 15:33
If it’s someone in your wedding party, let them know that you’re aware. Explain that you get this may not be a good time for them. Also, give them the opportunity to step down. Some people don’t have the courage to speak up. They won’t admit that they can’t really be there for you like that. Let them be. They’ll come around when they feel up to it.
You’re a reminder of what they haven’t accomplished (Yet)
I’ve had lots of brides over the years tell me that someone close to them didn’t seem happy or supportive during their engagement journey. They were very surprised and hurt by this. Some of those people were able to rectify those relationships and others haven’t rekindled those relationships to this day. You gotta understand that your close friends and family whose bringing the “musty energy” as Social Media Influencer Randi Rossario says, is feeling some type of way. Now, that’s not your problem.
That’s their personal problem. For the sake of understanding so you can have some peace, consider that you getting married is a big reminder of things that they’ve yet to accomplish. Also, you have bigger fish to fry one that you have to closely monitor so that you don’t go into debt while wedding planning.
When people make start getting married or having kids. It tends to separate people from each other after a while. I think people realize this and so they start pulling away immediately. I had a close friend say to me, “you’re getting married so I know I’m not going to see you or talk to you as much anymore because that’s what happened with my other friends who got married.” I was like no way.
But the reality is, that is what typically happens. If it’s not you that gets preoccupied with your new life, it’s the feeling like they no longer fit. I’ve noticed that no matter how much I try to invite my friends out with me and my fiance’ , they won’t always want to go because people don’t like feeling like a third wheel. Understandable. It can be a trigger for them.
I even understand that some of my friends want to be married too. Sometimes it not even about being married, sometimes you’re a reminder to some of your friends and family that their life has become stagnant. You may be the fire that they needed to go back to school or to go after a new position in their company. When we see our friend moving forward and we’re not, it makes us feel left behind. Unfortunately, people don’t always have the best timing.
This is why you’ll notice some of your friends or family jump up and make a major life decision in the middle of you getting ready to get married. People will constantly want to dump their drama on you. Some people will even jump up and plan a much-needed vacation near your wedding. Don’t take it personally. Others will start going back to school and become distant and unreachable. You may see someone jump up and try to get married before you. Primarily, because they feel like they’ve been in their relationship too long and it should be them getting married already.
Let’s just call a spade a spade.
There are often people in our friends and family who always seem to be in competition.
Whether you notice it from the beginning or during your engagement journey, understand that their issues aren’t about you at all.
Pray for Their Peace During your Engagement Journey
As well as your own. Just like your wedding isn’t about them, understand that their issues aren’t about you. The best thing you can do is step back. Remove yourself from the situation. Doing this prevents you from getting hurt. Lastly, pray for your loved ones.
Pray: Loving God, please grant me peace of mind and calm my troubled heart. My soul is like a turbulent sea. I can’t seem to find my balance so I stumble and worry constantly. Give me the strength and clarity of mind to find my purpose and walk the path you’ve laid out for me.https://www.womansday.com/life/g28366867/prayers-for-peace/
God may reveal to you that they can’t come with you in this season of your life. He may also provide you a different perspective on their situation. While God expects us to use the grace he gives us, he expects us to put him first as well. After, after God comes your significant other. You have a job to do and can’t afford to let people distract you from that job. You are to serve in that order. We can’t help people that don’t want to help themselves. Be weary of ill motives and pray for their peace.
Another prayer: God please protect my marriage from people and sprits with ill motives. we’re trying hard to honor you in this covenant. While I don’t know everything that’s happening in any one person’s life, I pray they find peace within themselves and you God. I pray if they’re able to witness our covenant to you God, that they find salvation through our ceremony. God make me an answer, in Jesus’ name. Amen